Since I am in a poetry mood today, it seems, and this is helping my persistent headache, I would like to share more poetry, if that is all right. I would actually like to show a comparison of two works of mine, both about my great dislike of my biological father, Dave.
Dave is a man-child of sorts. He was happy only when he was brining my mother down by calling her names and manipulating her to his every whim. He was even less efficient as a father. He and the rest of his family never forced me to do anything I didn’t want to do. This greatly hindered my abilities to provide for myself and do things I hate and/or fear. For example, I do not have my driver’s license, my ears pierced, or even the ability to ride a bicycle, all because Dave could not be a true father. Instead he bought me whatever I wanted, be it toys or games or Gothic jewelry or animals, which only fueled my spoiled nature.
I very nearly hate the man, but I frown heavily upon hate because it leads to destruction of the soul and of civility and peace.
Now then, to business. First is a poem I wrote when I was 15. This was around the time that my stepfather came into my life and helped change my perspective for the better. It was written shortly after Dave realized I had changed his name in my phone to “Dave” and my stepfather’s to “Daddy”, as is the traditional term for one’s father. The clown reference was from lyrics of a favorite band of his. What is depicted in this poem truly happened, despite him theoretically being a 35-year-old man. The poem is titled “He wishes he was my dad instead of what he is: an obstacle.”
When he gives me attitude
He becomes uncontrollably rude.
Because he cannot handle himself as a toad,
He takes his anger out on the road
As he drives as reckless as can be
While I smile at myself happily
Because he cannot affect me
Or make me feel down.
He is a “retarded, disfigured clown.”
Instead of bringing joy as he should,
He does the opposite of all that is good.
He attempts to bring me down with himself
But I’m so happy and content with myself.
I simply ignore him and his sorrow
As I look forward to tomorrow
Instead of backwards like he always has and will.
I’m so thankful I have a wonderful new family that makes each day filled
With joy, glee, bliss, laughter, all of the above
These things he will never be made of
Now compare that to a poem I wrote a couple of years ago, titled “Away from You (Once I’m 18).”
Where I belong isn’t here
I know this from my tears
All my cuts and wounds of heart
From me shall never part
Thank you for all this
You have taken me from my home
You never leave me alone
You never harm me
At least physically
You were always one of the mind
You will never be forgiven
I wish for you to be forsaken
I have finally returned to my safe place
Where happiness is always present on my face
Because I will never see you again
Much better, is it not? Thank you for reading 🙂
*picture does not belong to me